Whew.

I'm trying to think if I have anything to write of any sort of importance. (Do I ever?) My top five subjects, in no particular order, seem to be:

1. Senior Ball. I'm not sure if this is particular only to my college, or all other schools, but at least my small liberal arts college seems to place a lot of weight on this one evening, with sort of mixed results. On one hand: Congratulations! You have emerged from three and a half years of rigorous coursework, have "found" yourself, and are now able to call yourselves mature, educated, responsible individuals. On the other: You are an immature college student, and we all know how college students act when they spend a lot of money on dresses, shoes, tickets, and jewelry: drunk and belligerent. We will put you through two security checkpoints to ensure that no one brings in any alcohol that is not the kind you need to pay for. And once you arrive at your destination, we encourage you to go drink and dance-- as long as you can get the attention of one of the four bartenders we hired for roughly nine hundred people.

Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to strap my Virgin Mary flask to my inner thigh all evening, so that element wasn't so much a problem. One cultural oddity down, another lifetime to go.....

2. Schoolwork. There's too much of it. I realize I am paying a decent chunk of cash in order to do all of this work, and for the most part, I really do care about getting it all done on time. I like reading more, expanding my mind, becoming an educated person, and I really don't like to let down professors with yet another paper typed at 4 a.m. with imaginary words. But I also like sleep a whole lot. Which brings me to:

3. Thanksgiving. Thank god for this holiday. I know it's not even anything I care about for reasons like they teach you in third grade-- I couldn't really give a shit about the Pilgrims and the Indians sharing one glorious meal in happiness until they all started killing each other again. What I am grateful for is the idea of time away. They let me go home, see my family and friends, and escape the confines of classwork, homework, extracurricular work, and just plain ol' work-work for at least a long-ish weekend, and for that I am a grateful little lady. Do I even like turkey all that much? No. That's why my mother cooks filet mignon every year. (And oh, god, does she ever.... with this mustard tarragon cream sauce that you wouldn't even believe). And don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of mashed potatoes and pumpkin anything... but what I really like is the chance to catch up on friends, rest, and sleep. Unfortunately, this brings me back to:

4. Theatre. (And, in essence, number two: work). I have a dress rehearsal the Monday after we return from break. I'm not really ready for that. So much for time away to revive and recover. And in essence, this is really:

5. Life. (Not the board game. My own). I'm trying to figure out now if what I think I want to do with my life (design costumes, live in this theatre world, become a true "artist") gibes with what it actually entails (poverty, struggling to break through, honest assessment that I might not actually be "good enough" to do what I want). It's a strange time in my life right now, and I don't know if I even merit the sort of self-scrutiny that I've been subjecting myself to everyday... but if anyone's going to question my own self-worth, I guess it might as well be me. Is this really what I want to do with my life? Have I pidgeonholed my interests, or am I truly finding myself? Am I smart/talented enough to have the career that I want? And is it all that important anyways?

So anyways. That's what's on my mind this week. You can catch up with me after I've had my nap and steak/mashed potato dinner.... and maybe I'll have a different worldview entirely. Enjoy your turkeys!!